Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
