so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I won't apologize to a one balled man
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
