just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize