I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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