theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
