I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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