just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
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Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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