Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
