if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
