the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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