I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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