her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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