I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
