She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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