She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
