you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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