So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize