They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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