Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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