I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
