well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
