I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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