what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
