Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
