So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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