is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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