i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
