I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
