woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
