So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
