My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
