i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
