after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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