Porn is love you can see.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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