Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
