I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
