Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
