I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
