Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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