Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize