I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nicole vs. Life
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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