Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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