i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize