I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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