Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize