my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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