this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize