She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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