I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
