I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we're making bets on your personal life
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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