Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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