My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
