we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
