WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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