i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
