hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
