bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
