dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
pray to the hookup gods
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
