I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
