I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
