i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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