If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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