Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
